The Craziness Scale.

In my head, I have many crazy theories, whacked ideas, and way-gone philosophies, but there is one that has seemed to always stick...One that I have been using for years, and it seems to be fail-proof. It also gets a nod of agreement from almost everyone I tell about it.

This theory is the Craziness Scale. Basically, it states that all women are somewhat crazy, and are assigned a 'Craziness Rating' between 10 and 100. Why start at 10? That question is easily answered. No woman in the history of the world has ever rated sane enough to be under a 10. This also gets a nod of approval from almost all that are included in conversations on this topic.

Before I go on to explain what each level of the scale is, I should mention that there is a bell curve on the graph. MOST women land between about 20-45. This is the 'Regular Woman' curve. If you land in this curve, then we expect the odd bout of craziness, but for the most part, you are a pretty sane chick.

The graph on the right shows the bell curve of women intersected with their respective craziness. I put this graph together in about 5 minutes, so I know the numbers don't quite add up right, but really, you get the point. If you are concerned that they don't add up, you are way too serious of a person for this blog!

It's once we pass a rating of 50 that it starts to get bad. All guys have dated a girl in the 50-60 range. You know what they are like...overly controlling, or overly emotional, or just have issues that make it HARD to date them.

Past 60 is where the real trouble starts. A girl that rates 65 just kicks it up a notch. Nothing is good enough for them, and they are VERY Emotional all the time. This is the kind of girl that gets mad at you all the time, and no matter what you do, it is YOUR FAULT, and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER!

I will just show a few examples of girls 70 and higher:
70 - Stalking mentality. Usually when you break up with her, sometimes she thinks you are cheating on her with friends of yours or hers. At this point, fights are more than just arguments. This is when she starts throwing things. Plates, plants, books....whatever. Automatic 70!
75 - She takes the throwing and ups the ante to trying to stab you with scissors, or a butter knife. This isn't a murderous rage, but intent to injure is there.
80 - This is completely batshit, frootloops crazy! Not only has she stalked your sister, thrown a toaster at you, and taken a knitting needle to your leg, but now she is also trying to frame you for a crime you did not commit
85 - She has gone out of her way to make your life hell, even as far as costing her a job, and even braking into your house to smell your cologne and steal small but noticeable items from your room. She has probably also tried to hit you with her car....or maybe even YOUR car.
90 - Legally Certifiable. She should be in an asylum somewhere, away from the general public, unable to harm herself or others around her.

I don't have examples for above 90, because, like a woman below 10, this is basically non-existent. There have been a few in the past that tread into this category, but most of them, I don't even want to talk about. Any mother that has done anything to hurt her children on purpose are in this category, but there is exactly ZERO humor to that, so I am not touching it.

I have a name for this scale, but it is named for someone that reads this blog, and I would like to keep her anonymity. You know who you are! :)

Some celebrity examples of the craziness scale:
Britney Spears - 84 (hair shaving, marrying a douchebag)
Lohan - 66 (Do I have to explain this one?)
Angalina Jolie - 61 (WTF is with all the children?!?!)
Jessica Beil - 25 (Me and this girl can hang!)
Heidi...Hell, I don't even know her last name. Its that bitch from the hills. She is a 59 on the scale. Just shallow, and narcissistic. She just needs a good slap!
The Octo-Mom - 88 (She might be the craziest women currently residing on planet earth. What she did to those kids is nothing short of child abuse! way to allow your children to have a good life. CRAZY!) - This might be where that Kate from that awful Kate and dude plus 8 goes...She is a crazy bitch too.

I know this isn't a perfect science (yet), so please give me some comments or feedback on the scale. Let me know if you have some examples of women's craziness, and I can try to assign them a number on the scale for you.

And please, let me know how to improve it. I use this scale daily, and anyway I can make it better, please tell. And feel free to use the scale in your own life! I am telling you, things just fall into place when you can walk down the street and know where a girl lies on the scale.

Then again, I am single...
MB