Summer Song #7

Lets mix it up a bit...

Something to get the blood pumping...something to get you moving...

2Pac - California Love

...Man I love this song!

Summer Song #6

This is the PERFECT Campfire song!

It's called Last Summer by the LostProphets. Makes me think about the days sitting around the campfire at the cabin catching up with old friends...Drink some beer and talking about old times!

And we all sit round here in our home town
It's so good like this, these are times we'll miss
The memories, I hope they'll never fade




The Friday sun bears down again
As we drive without friends
And on these longest days we spend
All the time trying to pretend
That our stories could be true
Our chance to be cool
The setting sunset says the day is through
If only we knew...
And we all sit around here in our home town
Listen to the waves as they all crash down
And watch the fire as it slowly burns away
Glowing embers fly across the sky

Here by my side, in my summer, our last summer
The world passes by in my summer, our last summer
The light makes shadows fall, surrounded by each other
Alive to watch it all, the view from our last summer
The view from our last summer...
We trace the sun across the sky

And we laugh till we cry
Always so hard to say goodbye (good bye)
And we all sit round here in our home town
It's so good like this, these are times we'll miss
The memories, I hope they'll never fade
Glowing embers lie across the sky

Here by my side, in my summer, our last summer
The world passes by in my summer, our last summer
The light makes shadows fall, surrounded by each other
Alive to watch it all, the view through our last summer
The view from our last summer...

I would stop time to stay with you
I would stop time so we don't move
I would stop time
I would stop time
I would stop time to keep you

Here by my side, in my summer, our last summer
The world passes by in my summer, our last summer
The light makes shadows fall, surrounded by each other
Alive to watch it all, the view from our last summer

Summer Song #5

I am trying to give a good mix of new songs, songs from my past, and songs from THE past. Today, I am bringing it back to this year.

This song was one of my favorite to listen to while on a beach in Thailand, so I am sure it would also work while on a patio in Calgary.

Vampire Weekend - Oxford Comma

Summer Song #4

Time to slow it down a little...and to bring back a classic.

This song is the perfect one to listen to as the sun sets over the water....Nice, relaxing, and enjoyable...

Summer Song #3

I spent the weekend on the lake, and there was no time like then to listen to good ole summer songs.

Here is a song that needed to be on the playlist....Its a song about being short, and wishing that you could grow a little bit. Its about wishing you could play basketball a little better, and having a girl that was at your disposal....Its about wishing you were a magician, so you could pull a rabbit from a hat.

So, on with the show. Skee-Lo - I Wish

(Youtube embedding disabled by request)

Lyrics:

Hey, this is radio station W-S-K-E-E
We're takin' calls off the wish line
Making all your wacky wishes come true

Hello

1-I wish I was little bit taller,
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala

I wish I was like six-foot-nine
So I could get with Leoshi
Cause she don't know me but yo she's really fine
You know I see her all the time
Everywhere I go, and even in my dreams
I can scheme of ways to make her mine
Cause I know she's livin phat
Her boyfriend's tall and he plays ball
So how am I gonna compete with that
'Cause when it comes to playing basketball
I'm always last to be picked
And in some cases never picked at all
So I just lean upon the wall
Or sit up in the bleachers with the rest of the girls
Who came to watch their men ball
Dag y'all! I never understood
Why the jocks get the fly girls
And me I get the hood rats
I tell 'em scat, skittle, skibobble
Got hit with a bottle
And put in the hospital, for talkin' that mess
I confess it's a shame when you livin' in a city
That's the size of a box and nobody knows yo' name
Glad I came to my senses
Like quick-quick got sick-sick to my stomach
Overcome with my thoughts of me and her together
Right?
So when I asked her out she said I wasn't her type
(rpt 1, 1)

I wish I had a brand-new car
So far, I got this hatchback
And everywhere I go, yo I gets laughed at
And when I'm in my car I'm laid back
I got an 8-track and a spare tire in the backseat
But that's flat
And do you really wanna know what's really wack, What
See I can't even get a date
So, what do you think of that?
I heard that prom night is the bomb night
With a hood rat you can hold tight
But really tho' on figuero
When I'm in my car I can't even get a hello
Well so many people wanna cruise Crenshaw on Sunday
Well then I'm gonna have to get in my car and go
You know I take the 110 to the 105
Get off on Crenshaw tell my homies look alive
Cause it's hard to survive
Livin' in a concrete jungle and
These girls just keep passin' me by
She looks fly, she looks fly
Makes me say my, my, my
(rpt 1, 1)

I wish I was a little bit taller...
I wish I was a baller...
I wish I was a little bit taller y'all
I wish I was a baller (3)

Hey, I wish I had my way
'Cause everyday would be a Friday
You could even speed on the highway
I would play ghetto games
Name my kids ghetto names
Little Mookie, big Al, Lorraine
Yo you know that's on the real
So if you're down on your luck
Then you should know just how I feel
Cause if you don't want me around
See I go simple, I go easy, I go greyhound
Hey, you, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down
Ahhhh, yes, ain't that fresh?
Everybody wants to get down like that
(rpt 1, 1)

I wish, I wish, I wish...

Summer Song #2

Some of the songs I am going to list on this ongoing list of summer songs are going to be classics. Some are going to be downright cheesy...Hell, some are going to be downright bad. Today's selection might be one of those downright crappy songs, but at the same time, its tough not to get a smile on your face when you hear it.

It's from 1999, and by no means stands the test of time. Hell, it barely stood the test of NOW 10 years ago. But with that said, its kind of a guilty pleasure.

'I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike'

BONUS! The Lyrics:

Yeah...I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer
Do you remember, Do you remember?
...when we met..That summer??

[Chorus:]
New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer..
Since that summer

[Verse 1:]
Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Something in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speaking
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

[Chorus:]
New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer..
Since that summer

[Verse 2:]
Cherry Pez,cold crush,rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,
Always been hip to the B-boY Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile,
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge:]
In the summertime girls got it going on,
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like,
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike

[Verse 3]
Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug,cause I miss it
Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but whats the use
I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose
Came in the door I said it before,I think I'm over you
but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge:]
In the summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worth while and some are so so,
Summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worth while and some are so so,
Summertime girls got it going on
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike

Summer Song #1

I am addicted to a song right now that is officially my Summer Song of '09. So as I was listening to it, I decided to make a list of other songs that are pretty kick ass summer songs.

So its time to share. I am going to try to share 1 song a day for the next...who knows...as long as I have songs to share.

Today's song is the one that started this trend for me. It's by a French band called Phoenix, the song is called 1901.

Enjoy:

Things I ...LIKE!

So I seem to try to make something out of bitching and complaining… and honestly, it is one of my favorite things to do… But I think for once (and maybe ONLY this once), I would be a little more up beat and talk about things that make me happy. After all, I just spent a week in Manitoba chilling out, maxing and relaxing. So I am mellow, and at inner peace with myself.

Inner peace? Ha, yeah right! More like I decided to sit down while I was in a good mood.

So without further ado, here goes the list:

#6) The Moth Podcast - http://www.themoth.org - I am guessing most of you haven’t heard of this, but I highly recommend giving it a shot. The Moth is a stage show in NY and LA where all sorts of people, whether famous or just regular Joes off of the street, get up and tell a story. Some stories are funny, some are sad and some are just amazing, but all of them are great listens. Two stories really stick out in my mind and I will give you the Coles notes versions of them, just to give a taste of what you get with The Moth.

The first story was told by a guy who, when he was 16, became a bat boy for the Yankees. On his first day, he met his favorite player of all time… Don Mattingly. Don welcomed him to the team, then asked him to go fetch a bat stretcher for him. A wild goose chase ensues, with the kid ending up in the Red Sox locker room and finally in a sporting good store across the street. It’s a goddamned hilarious story about this naïve kid.

The second story was a guy that found himself on the wrong end of a gang initiation in NYC. He ended up almost dying in the hospital, but barely survived thanks to good paramedics, amazing doctors, and a whole lotta luck. Anyways, he goes through hell while recovering… su

ch as a car accident that sent him flying through the front windshield. After that, he gets a call from the DA about the kids that stabbed him, asking him to appear in court. While meeting the perp face to face, he tells the kid some pretty chilling comments: ‘you set out that night to kill me, which would have been 25 years in prison. I lived, thank god, so instead, you have been charged attempted manslaughter, a 15 year sentence. So 15 years from now, when you get out, just remember…You owe me 10 years! I gave you a second chance 10 years early because I lived. You owe me!’

It’s awesome. Look it up on iTunes and give it a shot.

#5) Jay Bouwmeester - The Flames have done it again, an

d made a big offseason splash by getting the biggest fish in the free agent pond. It now leaves us with a D-line that is hasn't been seen since the Berlin Wall came down in 1989. And now the nay-sayers come out and say we don't have any scoring up front...But really, who needs scoring when you have the Great Wall of Calgary stopping everything from entering the defensive zone? I, for one, can't wait to see 2-0 wins again, as long as it gets us into the 2nd round of the playoffs this year!

#4) The Cabin – Shoal Lake, Manitoba! Due to my excessive travel habit, I didn’t get to spend my usual week off at the cabin last summer, so it was pretty awesome to get up there for a couple days last week to chill out. Even after seeing the world – some of the nicest places I have ever seen, from Machu Picchu, Peru, to Koh Pha Ngan, Thailand – the cabin where I grew up in southern Manitoba might just be my heaven. My days consisted of sleeping in, going for a jog where everyone who drives by waves and smiles, golfing 18 holes for under $20, and bonfires and hot dogs. Honestly, it just doesn’t get any better than that!

#3) Keys to the VIP – Ooooh, don’t think you don’t know it. You’ve seen it, and you liked it. It’s on the Comedy Channel on Tuesday nights, and good lord is there some awesome unintentional comedy on that show. Basically, the premise is that they find the biggest douches in Toronto to go to a bar and see who the biggest player is. Now, once ever 3 or 4 weeks there is a guy who you are pretty impressed with. He has the skill of a real player. But most of the time, these homos couldn’t find a nipple on their own body, let alone the 19 year old skanks they are attempting to mack. There is no better TV than seeing some egotistical guido strike out. It rates a 10 on the unintentional comedy scale.

Basically I love most shows on the Comedy Network, though. The Daily show is a nightly MUST, but another Canadian classic is the Jon Dore show. Once again, if you haven’t watched it, it’s on Wednesday nights, and the guy has a breed of comedy that makes me just keel over laughing. Plus, just a few weeks ago we saw him perform here in Calgary and ended up drinking with him all night, including shots of Jager at 1am that prompted Jon to say ‘NO! NO! This is BAD!’ . Awesome!

#2) Football season – Can you hear that buzz in the air? That is the buzz of football

season, and its right around the corner! (*Note to Canadian Fans –the CFL is merely a bad re-enactment of what football is supposed to be just to get us through until the real stuff starts.) Camps open in a few weeks, and rosters for all 32 teams are being set. Anticipation is building in cities all over the US. At this point in the season, every team is looking good (except the Lions), and every team is a super bowl contender (except the Lions). Ooooooh, kickoff is September 13th, and once that hits, I get my four months of bliss. The Temple of NFL will be filled to capacity every Sunday morning, the jerseys will be worn with pride, and god I cannot wait!

#1) Calgary Stampede – Yes, it is that time of year once again. It’s the time of year where Calgary is turned upside down, and shaken like a snow globe. The town is filled with beer, cowboys, beer, horses, beer, whores, beer, pancakes, and of course… beer. For one week a year, Calgarians transform the city into a gigantic party with bales of hay in every building, and lineups for crappy pancakes (and high-test) served on every corner. At anytime of the day, you can find drinks being served, and ladies dressed up like it’s a weeklong Halloween where the only costume is ‘sexy cowgirl’. Daisy dukes and cowboy hats are a great look on women!

...and yes, you can even stick your arm up a fake cows ass!

The Stampede starts and ends with Nashville North, the epicenter of all drinking activities on the Stampede Grounds. It is also so packed all week that you have to arrive in line before 4pm, or you just plain and simple aren’t getting in until midnight. Usually, the best course of action is to catch the afternoon rodeo, starting at 1:30pm, and slither over to the line as soon as the Bull riding is over. The entire afternoon, you are inundated with the vices of the Calgary Stampede…

It’s almost impossible to not have a smile on your face the whole time! It’s the one week of the year that anything goes!

Yee-Haw!!!

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I hoped you liked the things that I like this week. I just felt like being a little more upbeat this week. I only have one last comment:

I really want a t-shirt that says ‘I am a one man wolfpack!’

MB

The state of media

I told you that his would be a long, boring one...I hope, more than anything, its a tad enjoyable, and a little thought provoking....1400 words of hearty goodness!

---------------------------

This is a topic that started bugging me back in January, when I found out that my home town, a city in Manitoba of 40,000 people in an area servicing 100,000 in the southwest corner of the province was losing their one and only TV station. This leaves the news in the town up to a second-rate newspaper and the local radio stations.

This was the first thing that really piqued my interest in the new generation of media we are entering. This new media has the news being reported by every ‘man on the street’ with a smart phone, and leaves educated media high and dry, unable to pay their employees and cutting corners to make ends meet. It is a new ‘up-to-the-second’ world where people are still trying to hold onto the ways of the past. Like any growing entity, these changes are going to cause growing pains and massive problems, but at the end, we are going to be in a better place when we get there.

The second time my interest was drawn into the thought of new media was when the state of newspapers across the continent started taking a turn for the worse. Lately, the NY Times began placing ads on the front page for the first time in its history to try to offset dropping ad revenue. The historic Chicago Tribune made massive cuts (downsizing their newsroom by about 10%) and claimed bankruptcy in December of last year. In March, the Seattle Post Intelligencer stopped publishing newspapers for the first time in 146 years, moving instead to only online delivery. These changes can somewhat be attributed to the way news was first delivered on the net: free. I believe, dating back a decade to the start of online delivery, papers and news outlets alike will agree that a huge mistake was made by putting this info online for free (not that there was a way around it). In retrospect, the major publishers should have come together and agreed to make content available for a cost…but that mistake cannot be corrected now. It has slid down that slope, and that bell cannot be un-rung.

In addition to the changing form of media, papers, TV, and even radio are sending less people out to cover events. Instead of seeing a swarm of microphones in front of Sidney Crosby as he celebrates in the dressing room, there is now just a national media microphone, a local TV reporter, and the dreaded Associated Press reporter. That AP reporter is feeding his story to all outlets around the globe, rather than outlets like the Calgary Herald spending coin on sending their own reporter out. It definitely doesn’t give a broad perspective on the event.

No longer do you pick up a newspaper in the morning to see the news, and no longer do you sit down to watch the news on the evening TV. Now, we go directly to the internet… do not pass go, do not collect $200. This has become is our lifeline to information. We live in a world where its inhabitants NEED to be updated on events to the second! In my head, this revolution started with two planes crashing into the twin towers back in September 2001. At that moment of time, there wasn’t a person I know that wasn’t glued to the television, wanting up to the second images of hijacked planes and burning buildings. It was the beginning of people needing information as soon as it happens!

Since then, it has all evolved into a situation that can be exemplified by another international revolution that occurred just a few days ago, one that also changed the world… but not in the way you think. The event I am talking about is the recent election in Iran, and the uprising of the people against an oppressive dictator. And how it changed the world is that it was reported to the general public through a new medium HOURS before news outlets like CNN or FOX News could break into their weekend reruns to tell the public about. The medium I speak of is no other than the same medium I wrote about just a few weeks ago, ranting on how it pisses me off. Twitter.

For the first time in history, people around the globe were getting inside info about an international story before the big boys could put a man in Tehran.

There are obvious gaps to this form of media and how it is reported, but the fact is that ‘tweets’ were being sent from inside the riot zone, from people who were protesting or even being tear gassed. It was pretty remarkable to know that Joe Schmo in Louisiana was getting information ‘tweeted’ to him before CNN was talking about it. He was able to get the ‘tweets’ on the fly as he sat and surfed the internet. Hell, he could have had the tweets sent directly to his phone as a text message. He was learning about it the same time CNN was. It’s quite astonishing that he could get the information first hand, as the event is happening, no matter where he was in the world.

This new shift in media is causing problems at all levels, from local to national to international. Newspapers, the dinosaur of the bunch, are being pushed to the wayside by consumers. Distribution is drastically down, and that means ad revenue falls drastically. Their other main source of revenue dried up a few years ago when people stopped using the classifieds and opted for free, online ad shops like Craigslist and Kijiji. I am afraid to say it, but newspapers are a dying breed… I mean, nothing in the Daily newspaper is even from that day. Who wants news that is a day old?

The same is occurring on TV, as well. Ad revenue is dropping at an astounding rate (11.9% in the first Q of 2009). This is attributed to a lack of interest in television, but also to the economic slowdown.

I often sit and wonder how the news will be fed to us in 5 years… 10 years…

Let’s start locally… How will the people in SW Manitoba be getting their news? Right now, the only way to get breaking news is radio and the internet… but even in a town like Brandon that is slow. More importantly, though, is how they are going to get the DAILY news? The solution for this, I believe, lies in internet broadcasts… Allowing the citizens of the area to log onto the news site daily and download the news of the past 24 hours. The good news with this (no pun intended) is that this style of reporting in an area like SW Manitoba can charge for the broadcasts, as they will have a monopoly on the medium. So they can ask the locals for $5 or $10 a month to watch… and they will get 10,000 subscribers. Now if only someone could be this entrepreneurial in an area filled with farmers and old people.

As for national and international news, wow, I am baffled. Newspapers are a dying breed. How are the suffering TV stations going to be able to keep up with up to the minute news when the free media like twitter beat them to the punch? And more importantly, how are they going to be able to make revenue when advertisers are cutting their budget at an astounding rate? Hell, one of the most interesting stats I heard while on this path to media enlightenment was that even internet revenue for large media conglomerates was down in the 5% in the first Q of 2009. That is the first drop in this category since the internet became a legitimate source over a decade ago! So even the place where this new media is going strong has a revenue stream that is drying up faster than a creek in a Manitoba drought.

To me, the whole thing is just a massive mind fuck, and I am not sure what the solution is. I am actually not sure if people even understand the issue with lack of revenue streams and the adoption of new media yet, but I believe that in the future, there will be a large failure in the news as we see it, and that is when people will perk up and understand that these issues exist.

With all of that said, I think the world is on the cusp of a new form of media. I think it is going to be very twitter-like, if not twitter itself. The people of today’s generation demand to-the-second updates, and this quick-updated medium is fulfilling the need. But this leaves reporting in the hands of the everyday folk, and with only 140 characters (the maximum size of a ‘tweet’) to deliver the ‘news’ it’s tough to tell the whole story. It also creates a biased news source (but in the US, I guess they are kind of used to this now!). It also, once again removes the revenue from this reporting.

----------------------------------

Please give me some feedback on this topic. Like I said, its one that really interests me, so I would like to hear your thoughts, too.

MB

Things that Piss Me Off, Vol 3

I know it has been a while...but things have just been really busy for me these days. Between stags, random trips, camping, and visits from friends, I have barely had enough time to breath, let alone make some posts of this blog.

But fear not, I haven't forgotten about this...and even better, the week away has made my head run with a couple good ideas to write about. I have to get this one off the plate first...but I am hoping to have another post up within 48 hrs, and maybe another one just a few days after that.

I will also mention that my next one could be an essay, and could be boring to some people, but it is a topic that has bothered me for a long long time!

In the meantime, please enjoy these things that piss me off.

One more note, please let me know if there are things that piss YOU off that you would like to hear me rant about!

#5) Call Screeners – These are people that avoid your calls by simply not answering. And there are almost three levels to this type of person: 1) Someone that owes me money, or knows that I am pissed at him, so he doesn’t want to talk to me. This is fine. Avoiding my call for this reason is understandable…it just sucks that you don’t have the balls to face the music. 2) The person that is too busy to answer. This is also acceptable, as you will almost always get a call back when the person is available to do so. And finally 3) the person that is avoiding your calls because they know they are doing something wrong, like ditching out on a night out. It’s much easier and better if you would just sack up, pick up the phone and tell me that you aren’t going to make it, rather than just making me madder and madder that you haven’t shown up yet. Is it that damn hard to do? These are the people that piss me off…Is one text even too much? We know you are by your phone!!!

#4) Smokies – Why are people messing with perfection? Hot Dogs are one of the finest foods on the planet, so why do you have to go and ruin it with spices and herbs? Do I take your perfectly cooked steak, and dump crap all over it? NO! You want to enjoy it for its natural, pure taste…(and if you are one of those people that puts Steak sauce or godforbid KETCHUP on a steak, please die!). A hot dog is the definition of pure, and is meant to be left alone. So keep your dastardly spices away from my Dog, and let me enjoy it without the scrutiny of you Smokie fags!

NOTE: Sausage is kept out of this discussion due to the fact that, even though they are similar in shape, they are different animals, no pun intended. Kielbasa can be my friend anyday!

#3) Brit Pop/Rock – It was bad enough when crappy bands came across the pond and poisoned us with their garage band sound, but in the last 10 years there has been a disturbing trend of North American bands adapting the lack-of-production sounding chaos, and calling it their own. In my estimation, it started with that douche Jack White and his insestual sister just hammering crappy chords onto a CD…Somehow these sounds became popular, and it all ‘blossomed’ from there. Copycats added their own spin on it, and the consumers made millionaires out of drug addicted Pete Dourety wannabee’s. And please don’t get me started on Rap or Pop. It could get ugly!

….back in my day…..I feel like an old man.

#2) Telus – I was one of the many quick adopters of the iPhone when it hit Canada in November, but the best part about the move wasn’t getting my hands on a fine piece of technology, it was getting off the evil network known as Telus. I have never been a customer of a company that tried SOOO HARD to piss of their entire clientele base. At no point in my 7 years as a telus customer was I happy, or even remotely pleased with them. Their service is comparable to that at a understaffed hole-in-the-wall pub. Rumors have it that Rogers is just as bad, but I have been dealing with them for 7 months now, and still no bumps in the road. I give Telus my F-You of the week!

#1) Jeopardy Interviews – Like many people I know, I am a big fan of this show…but I unlike most people, I watch the interviews with the contestants just after the first commercial break…I end up in tears every time. Sometimes tears of joy, sometimes tears because said interviews are just so painful. Pay attention next time to Alex (who is a pompous asshole…I will probably write about this in Vol. 4) conducts the interview with contestant number 2, in this case we will call him Robert, and they share a moment swapping stories of the Renaissance Fair from 1986 where Robert proposed to his wife while being knighted by King Bob. Man it was lovely. And that was a waste of my time.

Game 7! I Should Be More Interested....

Its game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals tomorrow, and I really haven't watched the playoffs at all this year. I have no horse in the race, no players that I cheer for, and my heart just isn't in it.

But with that said, it is GAME SEVEN! Nothing is better than a game 7. An entire season, all 1200+ games come down to just one, and its for all the marbles! ...And I am just not that into it.

I really wish I had a horse in the race this year. Both teams, for me, are hard to cheer for. Whether it is Crosby (WHAAA!) and Malkin (no heart russian), or Datsyuk (dude looks like ET) and Zetterberg (ok...I like watching him play), all of them are pretty ho-hum to me, even though they are 4 of the most talented players in the world.

I really hate the fans for both teams, too. Penguin fans are bandwagon'ish at best...Seems like everyone is pulling for them because of Sid the Kid, and/or Malkin. Red Wing fans have been there before, and love telling you about it. At least they are a respectable franchise, and the perfect design for how a franchise should be run.

Another big minus for this final is the fact that it is a re-match of last years final. I am a big fan of change, and love seeing NEW teams in the finals. Seeing the Cards in the Superbowl was GREAT. Having the Magic in the NBA final is awesome. Rematch of last year? Not so exciting....

Maybe I would be a little more excited about this if I got to watch the first moth of the playoffs. If I got to see Malkin and Crosby really light up the lesser teams on their way to said rematch.

But then again, on the other side of the coin, lets talk about 'game 7' again. This is the big one! This is why these players train all those hours! Its not for the chicks, or the cars, or the coke. Its for the chance to win the prize. For once in your life to say 'We are the best!' Its about wrapping your fingers around that cup...The STANLEY CUP! The greatest prize in professional sports, and lifting it above your head, and proclaiming to the world that this is your cup, and you cannot take it away from me! For at least 365 days, This is OURS TO DEFEND!!!

There is just something special about seeing a team skate around the ice with that cup! Afterall, hockey is the only sport that the prize is given directly to the team (captain), and not the owner. Its the only sport that has just ONE cup, and not a new one year after year. Lord Stanley has dents, chips, scrapes, and history. It's had a baby baptised in it, and had popcorn eaten out of it. It slept in the bottom of a pool, and in the same bed as some players. It's been the subject of curses, and has been lost on multiple occasions. Hell, the '47 Rangers even pissed into it. It's been all over the world, cruised across Canada multiple times...If I could live 1/2 the life this cup has, I would be a happy guy!

Its the Cup! That is why I love the Finals. That is why I love game 7's! That is why I will be watching.

As for a prediction, I think this will be a good game, but Detroit has owned the Series. And because its being played on their home ice, I can't see them losing this one. I think it's a 4-2 game, but OT would make my weekend!

Enjoy the last game for 4 1/2 months!

MB

Things That Piss Me Off, Vol.2

Time for my weekly post about what has pissed me off this week.

Let’s get right to it:

#5) Snow in June – Seriously, June 6^th, 2009. This Saturday, we had snow falling from the sky, covering the once green landscape with its frozenness. How is this possible? What did the people do wrong to deserve this? It’s not fall, its SPRING! The weather is supposed to be 20 degrees, and sunny. People are supposed to be on the paths running, and biking. Instead, they are huddled up under blankets, drinking hot chocolate to keep warm. Ok, its not quite that bad. The snow melted as soon as it hit the ground. The temperature was about 8 degrees….but still….

#4) L33t Spk – For those that don’t know what I mean by ‘L33t Spk’, well, it’s Leet Spk for ‘I’m gay and have to abbreviate all my words for text messages and emails, etc.’ This includes anything from ‘LOL’ (laugh out loud), to supplementing letters for words, such as ‘u’ for you or the number 2 instead of ‘to.’ So why does it piss me off? That is so easy! How hard is it to type the letters ‘t’ and ‘o’? Do you really need to turn it into a F’n number that makes it so much more to read? I seriously find it hard on the eyes to read a sentence like ‘LOL, OMG 2 Fun-e!’ Does your retarded little brain work in a way that it really replaces coherent, English words with this Paris Hilton style vernacular? If it does, kill yourself, because you are the people that are going to run this western civilization nose first into the ground, killing innocent victims in the carnage.

#3) Hot chicks with douche bags – It really pisses me off that every time I head out on the streets of Calgary, I see your prototypical hot girls (Ya know, the 7’s and 8’s that make the summertime so goddamned good!) walking hand and hand with some douche bag with a flat peak and tattoo on his neck, or pompous ass with multiple popped collars. How are these fine women attracted to these assholes??? These are the guys that mow the lawn at my condo complex… the guys that cook my wings at the local pub …and somehow they are pulling these good looking girls. What the hell do I have to do?!?!?! This is such a common occurrence that there is a website dedicated to these homos: http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

#2) Ticketmaster – Ah cool, Red Bull X-fighters are coming to town. Tickets are $25. I’d like 2. That will be $75! How the hell does that work? 1 ticket is $25, yet Ticketmaster seems to take their own ‘(In)Convenience Charge’ …and not just a buck here or there…A GOOD 30% of the ticket price goes to Ticketmaster so they can, I dunno, swim in their pools of un-deserved money? Let me give you a tip, Ticketmaster…if you are going to take 30%, why don’t you just build it into the price so that you just show the public a price of $32, and that’s that. Makes more sense, doesn’t it? I feel the same way about PST and GST, but I am sure I will rant about that a few weeks from now!

#1) Sparkles/Glitter – This has been a life-long rant of mine…When I am ruler of the world, I will outlaw all sparkles, body glitter, or glittery lip gloss of any kind. Those found guilty of wearing a glittery substance will be sentenced to death via firing squad. Why do girls find it necessary to cover their body with a substance that gets on you, and sticks to you like it’s been bedazzled to your skin. There have been occasions where sparkles have been discovered 3 months after-the-fact… Are they applied with spackle? I just don’t understand the appeal of them, and I have never met a guy that said ‘That girl is hot, but I wish she had more sparkles in her cleavage!’

Girls love it, though. I think once they have planted the sparkles on their victims, I have heard them say: ‘LOL, OMG…That guy is sooo Pwned!’

Now I am just mad!

MB

The Craziness Scale.

In my head, I have many crazy theories, whacked ideas, and way-gone philosophies, but there is one that has seemed to always stick...One that I have been using for years, and it seems to be fail-proof. It also gets a nod of agreement from almost everyone I tell about it.

This theory is the Craziness Scale. Basically, it states that all women are somewhat crazy, and are assigned a 'Craziness Rating' between 10 and 100. Why start at 10? That question is easily answered. No woman in the history of the world has ever rated sane enough to be under a 10. This also gets a nod of approval from almost all that are included in conversations on this topic.

Before I go on to explain what each level of the scale is, I should mention that there is a bell curve on the graph. MOST women land between about 20-45. This is the 'Regular Woman' curve. If you land in this curve, then we expect the odd bout of craziness, but for the most part, you are a pretty sane chick.

The graph on the right shows the bell curve of women intersected with their respective craziness. I put this graph together in about 5 minutes, so I know the numbers don't quite add up right, but really, you get the point. If you are concerned that they don't add up, you are way too serious of a person for this blog!

It's once we pass a rating of 50 that it starts to get bad. All guys have dated a girl in the 50-60 range. You know what they are like...overly controlling, or overly emotional, or just have issues that make it HARD to date them.

Past 60 is where the real trouble starts. A girl that rates 65 just kicks it up a notch. Nothing is good enough for them, and they are VERY Emotional all the time. This is the kind of girl that gets mad at you all the time, and no matter what you do, it is YOUR FAULT, and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER!

I will just show a few examples of girls 70 and higher:
70 - Stalking mentality. Usually when you break up with her, sometimes she thinks you are cheating on her with friends of yours or hers. At this point, fights are more than just arguments. This is when she starts throwing things. Plates, plants, books....whatever. Automatic 70!
75 - She takes the throwing and ups the ante to trying to stab you with scissors, or a butter knife. This isn't a murderous rage, but intent to injure is there.
80 - This is completely batshit, frootloops crazy! Not only has she stalked your sister, thrown a toaster at you, and taken a knitting needle to your leg, but now she is also trying to frame you for a crime you did not commit
85 - She has gone out of her way to make your life hell, even as far as costing her a job, and even braking into your house to smell your cologne and steal small but noticeable items from your room. She has probably also tried to hit you with her car....or maybe even YOUR car.
90 - Legally Certifiable. She should be in an asylum somewhere, away from the general public, unable to harm herself or others around her.

I don't have examples for above 90, because, like a woman below 10, this is basically non-existent. There have been a few in the past that tread into this category, but most of them, I don't even want to talk about. Any mother that has done anything to hurt her children on purpose are in this category, but there is exactly ZERO humor to that, so I am not touching it.

I have a name for this scale, but it is named for someone that reads this blog, and I would like to keep her anonymity. You know who you are! :)

Some celebrity examples of the craziness scale:
Britney Spears - 84 (hair shaving, marrying a douchebag)
Lohan - 66 (Do I have to explain this one?)
Angalina Jolie - 61 (WTF is with all the children?!?!)
Jessica Beil - 25 (Me and this girl can hang!)
Heidi...Hell, I don't even know her last name. Its that bitch from the hills. She is a 59 on the scale. Just shallow, and narcissistic. She just needs a good slap!
The Octo-Mom - 88 (She might be the craziest women currently residing on planet earth. What she did to those kids is nothing short of child abuse! way to allow your children to have a good life. CRAZY!) - This might be where that Kate from that awful Kate and dude plus 8 goes...She is a crazy bitch too.

I know this isn't a perfect science (yet), so please give me some comments or feedback on the scale. Let me know if you have some examples of women's craziness, and I can try to assign them a number on the scale for you.

And please, let me know how to improve it. I use this scale daily, and anyway I can make it better, please tell. And feel free to use the scale in your own life! I am telling you, things just fall into place when you can walk down the street and know where a girl lies on the scale.

Then again, I am single...
MB

Things that piss me off...

It was pointed out to me by Michele many times while traveling that, according to her, I complain a lot. I kept telling her that its not complaining, its what I like to call 'Ranting'. I find something that bothers me, go on a 3 minute speil about why it sucks, and that's it. Ok, sometimes the rant continued on for a little bit, or she heard about it a couple of times, but most of the time (MOST! Not all) it was warranted!

Anyways, I realized that I do do this a lot...and i like doing it. If something in society is pissing me off, I will let off a little steam.

The moral about this is that I think I am going to blog about this...Weekly. I am paying attention to it all week, and when it happens, I am making a note of it on my Phone, and every Tuesday, I will compile a list of the things that pissed me off from the previous 7 days. Maybe I will just give my top 5 of something. Lets see how this goes:

#5 - Douchbags that keep their house keys on a lanyard, and swing them around all the time. Really, can you not just put the 3 random keys on a key chain that fits nicely in your pocket like the rest of the mass population? You have to be swinging the metal chunks around while i talk to you? Douchbags!

#4 - Penguin Fans. Their team is shit for a decade, go bankrupt, almost relocate, sandbag it to get players like Fluery, Malkin, and Crosby, and now you go tooting your horn like your team has never been in peril. I almost hope you lose the cup just because you deserve the pain of ALMOST getting there again.

#3 - Twitter. How is this craze catching on? Are there really people in this world that care what someone like me is doing with hour to hour updates? Do you really want to know that Ashton Kutcher is paying his phone bill, or Shaq is chilling with his kids? Good lord, the narcissism of some people has gone to new depths.

#2 - Procrastination. It is something that I am oh so good at...and it costs me. I keep waiting to pay stuff like parking tickets, and the cost goes up another $20. Simple things all through the day that I say 'Ahh, I will do it later!'. Why do I do this, and how can I stop?

#1 - Robin Soderling. The prick swede has already cost me like $60, and I am sure he'll beat Gonzalez in the Semis, costing me another $40. This bastard is ruining my French Open! Where did he come from, and how the hell is he beating people like Nadal and Davydenko. Die!

So that is this week's 'What pisses me off'. Let me know what you think, and let me know if you have any tips on Procrastination. I really need to stop this.

MB

Back at it....

So after a couple weeks without writing, I thought I should really get at it again. I really have no idea what I am going to write about, or why I want to do this...All I know is that I had a lot of fun doing it while I was traveling, so why stop. I really enjoyed putting my thoughts on paper, even if no one was reading.

What I did discover when I got home is that a LOT of people actually read my thoughts. It seems like everywhere I went, people complimented me on the blog, and told me they enjoyed my pics/stories.

So lets start with the re-education of Marty...The re-entrance back into 'normal' living. It's never easy to come home from a trip, and accept life the way it is 'meant' to be. After you see new cultures, and how simple people around the world live, I find it hard to understand how regulated our lives are. There are pros and cons to it all, but goddammit...how do Canadians live with all of these rules in society.

But you don't want to hear about that. It will basically turn into a 2 page diatribe on me bitching about traffic, taxes, and 'the man'. And because this is the first post, I would like to keep it pretty positive.

Bullshit...

Some random comments from the last week or so back in civilization:
- I think I need to start taking my camera with me everywhere I go, because I saw the nicest ass I have ever seen on Sat. night. Ok, maybe not the best, but it was top 5. I was in a hockey tournament during the weekend, and one of the teams we played had a fire and ice girl on it, and in the bar afterwords, she was wearing lulu lemon pants that made her ass look like 2 mounds of joy. WOW!
- I miss bartering. Not being able to haggle over the price of my Grande Mocha pisses me off...
- Beer is $6 for a pint. I spent 2 months drinking 600mls for $2. To look positively on it, at least its not American beer!
- Is it a personality disorder to feel strange 'fitting in'? I think I enjoy being in a place where I don't know the language/culture better than being here where I am just another person. Its not that I like sticking out...Its that I like being different. I dunno...maybe I am just fucked.
- My camera is taking 6-8 weeks to get fixed. When I took it in, they said 'Yeah, its the humidity in Asia! That place is a camera killer!'. Wow, thanks for telling me that when I bought it and specifically asked 'It will last in Asia, right?'. Pieces of shit!

Alright...So Enjoy my blog. I am going to try to get to it a couple times a week. Another thing I discovered while traveling is that I like taking pics, so maybe I will just post some oldies that I have taken over the past 5 years. Possibly write some of my favorite stories from the past. Some long, some short....

Lets have some fun with this!
MB

Welcome to my new experiment!

I am going to start using this one when I get home...Lets see how it goes!

MB