So I seem to try to make something out of bitching and complaining… and honestly, it is one of my favorite things to do… But I think for once (and maybe ONLY this once), I would be a little more up beat and talk about things that make me happy. After all, I just spent a week in Manitoba chilling out, maxing and relaxing. So I am mellow, and at inner peace with myself.
Inner peace? Ha, yeah right! More like I decided to sit down while I was in a good mood.
So without further ado, here goes the list:
#6) The Moth Podcast - http://www.themoth.org - I am guessing most of you haven’t heard of this, but I highly recommend giving it a shot. The Moth is a stage show in NY and LA where all sorts of people, whether famous or just regular Joes off of the street, get up and tell a story. Some stories are funny, some are sad and some are just amazing, but all of them are great listens. Two stories really stick out in my mind and I will give you the Coles notes versions of them, just to give a taste of what you get with The Moth.
The first story was told by a guy who, when he was 16, became a bat boy for the Yankees. On his first day, he met his favorite player of all time… Don Mattingly. Don welcomed him to the team, then asked him to go fetch a bat stretcher for him. A wild goose chase ensues, with the kid ending up in the Red Sox locker room and finally in a sporting good store across the street. It’s a goddamned hilarious story about this naïve kid.
The second story was a guy that found himself on the wrong end of a gang initiation in NYC. He ended up almost dying in the hospital, but barely survived thanks to good paramedics, amazing doctors, and a whole lotta luck. Anyways, he goes through hell while recovering… su
ch as a car accident that sent him flying through the front windshield. After that, he gets a call from the DA about the kids that stabbed him, asking him to appear in court. While meeting the perp face to face, he tells the kid some pretty chilling comments: ‘you set out that night to kill me, which would have been 25 years in prison. I lived, thank god, so instead, you have been charged attempted manslaughter, a 15 year sentence. So 15 years from now, when you get out, just remember…You owe me 10 years! I gave you a second chance 10 years early because I lived. You owe me!’
It’s awesome. Look it up on iTunes and give it a shot.
#5) Jay Bouwmeester - The Flames have done it again, an
d made a big offseason splash by getting the biggest fish in the free agent pond. It now leaves us with a D-line that is hasn't been seen since the Berlin Wall came down in 1989. And now the nay-sayers come out and say we don't have any scoring up front...But really, who needs scoring when you have the Great Wall of Calgary stopping everything from entering the defensive zone? I, for one, can't wait to see 2-0 wins again, as long as it gets us into the 2nd round of the playoffs this year!
#4) The Cabin – Shoal Lake, Manitoba! Due to my excessive travel habit, I didn’t get to spend my usual week off at the cabin last summer, so it was pretty awesome to get up there for a couple days last week to chill out. Even after seeing the world – some of the nicest places I have ever seen, from Machu Picchu, Peru, to Koh Pha Ngan, Thailand – the cabin where I grew up in southern Manitoba might just be my heaven. My days consisted of sleeping in, going for a jog where everyone who drives by waves and smiles, golfing 18 holes for under $20, and bonfires and hot dogs. Honestly, it just doesn’t get any better than that!
#3) Keys to the VIP – Ooooh, don’t think you don’t know it. You’ve seen it, and you liked it. It’s on the Comedy Channel on Tuesday nights, and good lord is there some awesome unintentional comedy on that show. Basically, the premise is that they find the biggest douches in Toronto to go to a bar and see who the biggest player is. Now, once ever 3 or 4 weeks there is a guy who you are pretty impressed with. He has the skill of a real player. But most of the time, these homos couldn’t find a nipple on their own body, let alone the 19 year old skanks they are attempting to mack. There is no better TV than seeing some egotistical guido strike out. It rates a 10 on the unintentional comedy scale.
Basically I love most shows on the Comedy Network, though. The Daily show is a nightly MUST, but another Canadian classic is the Jon Dore show. Once again, if you haven’t watched it, it’s on Wednesday nights, and the guy has a breed of comedy that makes me just keel over laughing. Plus, just a few weeks ago we saw him perform here in Calgary and ended up drinking with him all night, including shots of Jager at 1am that prompted Jon to say ‘NO! NO! This is BAD!’ . Awesome!
#2) Football season – Can you hear that buzz in the air? That is the buzz of football
season, and its right around the corner! (*Note to Canadian Fans –the CFL is merely a bad re-enactment of what football is supposed to be just to get us through until the real stuff starts.) Camps open in a few weeks, and rosters for all 32 teams are being set. Anticipation is building in cities all over the US. At this point in the season, every team is looking good (except the Lions), and every team is a super bowl contender (except the Lions). Ooooooh, kickoff is September 13th, and once that hits, I get my four months of bliss. The Temple of NFL will be filled to capacity every Sunday morning, the jerseys will be worn with pride, and god I cannot wait!
#1) Calgary Stampede – Yes, it is that time of year once again. It’s the time of year where Calgary is turned upside down, and shaken like a snow globe. The town is filled with beer, cowboys, beer, horses, beer, whores, beer, pancakes, and of course… beer. For one week a year, Calgarians transform the city into a gigantic party with bales of hay in every building, and lineups for crappy pancakes (and high-test) served on every corner. At anytime of the day, you can find drinks being served, and ladies dressed up like it’s a weeklong Halloween where the only costume is ‘sexy cowgirl’. Daisy dukes and cowboy hats are a great look on women!
...and yes, you can even stick your arm up a fake cows ass!
The Stampede starts and ends with Nashville North, the epicenter of all drinking activities on the Stampede Grounds. It is also so packed all week that you have to arrive in line before 4pm, or you just plain and simple aren’t getting in until midnight. Usually, the best course of action is to catch the afternoon rodeo, starting at 1:30pm, and slither over to the line as soon as the Bull riding is over. The entire afternoon, you are inundated with the vices of the Calgary Stampede…
It’s almost impossible to not have a smile on your face the whole time! It’s the one week of the year that anything goes!
Yee-Haw!!!
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I hoped you liked the things that I like this week. I just felt like being a little more upbeat this week. I only have one last comment:
MB
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